What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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