PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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