So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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