We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
