So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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