I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
