I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Michael Bay diarrhea
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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