piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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