I'm so fucking centered right now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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