you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
