why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
