YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
