i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
