You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
3pm strippers are depressing
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
