When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
