after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
