Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
