Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
