I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
