she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
