we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
