I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
