I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
