Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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