Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
