Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
