I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
