Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
