what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
