I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
