I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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