Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
