What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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