dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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