Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
