Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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