My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
