She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is my gift to your gina
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
