At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
