you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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