literally had 100 drinks last night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
