This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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