Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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