break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
