I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
