I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
