I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
