omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So vagazzling was a success
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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