I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
