I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
