He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
