so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
