when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
