help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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