So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
