i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
