benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
