I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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