I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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