I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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