The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
