Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
