You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
