Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
