My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
