Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
