at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
