He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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