he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
