So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
