I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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