worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This is classic penis vs brain.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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