Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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