Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
