idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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