just tell him i said nine months
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
