LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
