i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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