On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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