Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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